I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
