I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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