i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize