A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
