I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize