it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
