There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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