I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
