If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
