is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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