Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
