Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize