I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
