were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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