Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
