My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i will never coherently bang her
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
