it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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