so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
