I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
