Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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