The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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