A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
