I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
