so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
