Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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