Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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