when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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