I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
