How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Acid is not a monday night drug
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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