I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
