Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
