Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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