i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
