Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
