Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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