We are two peas in an std pod
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
