After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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