How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
