At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
