his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
