so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
