Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
