Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
