I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
