IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
