I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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