She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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