I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
