If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize