Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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