she was so not down for the gang bang
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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