i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
