My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
