Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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