So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
