Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
