There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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