I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
