fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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