i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
