I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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