I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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