the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't deserve a penis
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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