Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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