Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize