We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
