Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
