this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
