either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
