i permit you to call me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
