hell yes lets make some ravioli
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
