So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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