If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
