Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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