Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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