The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Will exercising make me less horny?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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