I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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