I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
