i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
