you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
