i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
