Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
