I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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