i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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