the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
