this beer tastes like vomit already
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
