Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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